I’m often asked about the Duggers and what I/we think about them. So after a friend’s Facebook post today, I decided that I’d rambled on enough to post it in my blog with a few edits, haha! (Sorry, Faye)
For those of you who don’t know my family, I’ll just catch you up a bit. We certainly have a large family by today’s standards… 3 boys, 3 girls. I believe that outside of sharing out faith in Jesus Christ and giving our children committed,married parents the greatest gift we give them is their siblings. We all (self listed as #1!) have to learn to be less selfish and more loving to function in our home. Do we do that perfectly? No way. We have to work together to do simple daily tasks. Here are a few examples: Our older children DO help with the smaller children and I fully believe they will be better moms, dads, aunts, uncles, nursery workers, adults one day because of it. The oldest son & daughter can change the poopiest of diapers (although they don’t get too excited). They (oldest 2) are responsible enough to baby sit for us some. They read school instructions (oldest 3) to the younger ones and can do some of the basic instruction. I don’t require them to do so because they have such a heavy work load… but they often volunteer… and I let them! It’s beneficial for all parties involved! We do share the house work (or at least that’s the goal 🙂 because we all make the messes and therefore need to be a part. I tell them that I can’t run this ship on my own… we’re a team.
I am pretty old fashioned by today’s standards regarding men’s roles, women’s roles and dating/courting. I believe the Bible is the perfect example for Godliness- for boys, girls, women and men. I seek to teach my girls to be Godly, honorable,strong, pure women who find their strength and power in the Lord. I want them to be able to be intelligent, independent women who do not feel like they HAVE to marry… who can carry on a successful career of any type. Greg says (and I don’t think he’s kidding, hah) that if any boy/man wants to marry our daughters that they must know more about the Bible than our girls do. It is our goal to set that bar really high! If they do decide to marry, I pray they are Biblically submissive wives who honor the Lord through their service to their husbands and family if children is what He (Christ) wills. I pray my boys are warrior-men who seek to honor all women and treat their wives as Christ loves the church. By warrior-men I mean that they are strong, menly-men who have not caved to the “pansy” men of today (no, not all men are pansy-men today 🙂 who are sure of who they are in Christ and have a great knowledge of His word.I pray they seek to honor Christ through their vocations whether that be trash-man or pastor or president. I believe we have cow-towed to the world’s definition of what a man should be and what a woman should be. We need to return to the Word.
I was just asked a few weeks ago “Why are you so big on courting?” Well, first of all I did not “court” growing up. No one did. I never even saw it as a “real” option. I tell people that although Greg and I began “dating” when I was 14 and he was 15 the Lord worked despite us. I am a blessed woman to have married my sweet-heart and a God-fearing man. For our children, I do and will continue to encourage “courting” because I believe (based on my experiences and those of others) that “dating” as done today is a catastrophe waiting to happen. Kids having mini-marriages ending in mini-divorces is the norm and is devastating. If you don’t believe me, just look around… I mean really look around. Girls “selling” themselves as eye candy to the greatest bidder. Boys looking for the next trick. It is NOT working… end of experiment. It’s a failure. We have too many casualties for me to suggest it is a valid option to my kids. Why? Until marriage I believe that we should give our hearts only to our Lord. The mini-marriages we see all around us does not encourage pure hearts or minds. I believe the best option for my children to do so is through what is called “courting” today. It encourages open, HONEST conversation between parents and their children. It is not denying their God-given sexual desires, it is teaching them to protect and treasure those desires. By the way, we’ve failed here as well in our society. I refuse to allow my daughters are treated like Dairy Queen “samples.” I refuse to stand by while my sons fill their bellies. I want them to go into marriage to their earthly spouse or their heavenly Groom whole and in tact. I don’t believe that I can “make” them go through with this option… it will have to be their own decision. A decision their father and I can guide them through. Is courting full-proof? No… but I believe it is a better option.
“Dugger” swimming… a little extreme for me, personally. We do encourage modesty… many would say “extreme” modesty… Girl1 wore swim shorts (“stylish” and cute) every day this summer to the pool (I think). Our 3 boys usually choose to wear swim shirts to swim… 1- because they don’t have to wear as much sun block 🙂 and 2- to be more covered. We don’t look weird at the seminary pool, but usually stand out a little in other situations… and I’m ok with that. We are to be set a part- sometimes this needs to happen even within the church. I do not however want them to feel “freaky” or “Dugger-fied.”
For those who wonder how the Duggers/Bates or other “whacko’s” will survive in the “real” world- my thoughts are that the real world is wretched… so I hope and pray mine DON”T fit in :)… I pray that my children are spared much of the wickedness of media (yes, we do own a TV) and grow in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
To wrap up… I’ll hit some other questions we get on a regular basis along with the Dugger questions:
- Yes, they are ALL mine & birthed all 6 of them
- No there are no twins
- Not Catholic or Mormon- We’re Southern Baptist
- Yes, we know what causes it
- Yes, they have the same dad (…even the blonde)
- No, we’re not having anymore unless the Lord drops one in our laps
- No, I am NOT patient
- Yes, my hands are full & I love it
- Yes we homeschool
- And no, I’m not worried about socialization
I do believe that the “Dugger-type” families have so much that today’s child longs for… a deep sense of family, togetherness and a more simple life. Above all, I see a deep desire by these families to teach their children the Word of our God and to sing His praises. That should be the goal of ALL Christian parents whether you homeschool, have chosen public/private school… have 1 or 20 kids. Are these large, extremest families perfect? No. Am I? Certainly not. Are they “extremest” on some topics. Yep. Am I… many would say, “yes.” Am I ok with that? You bet. It is NOT my goal to be extremest or crazy. It IS my goal to be Godly, to be more Christ-like. Will that look crazy and extremest in today’s society… Absolutely!
Just some random thoughts from a freaky, homeschool, mom, haha!