Why We Have So Many Kids (Our Birth Control Journey)

It is hard being the baby

A sweet reader asked me how Greg and I came to the conclusion to have a big family… you asked for it 🙂 so here goes!

Let me begin by saying that I realize my thoughts and opinions on this subject are controversial even among conservatives. This entry only pertains to those who are Christian because the crux of the information is based on the Bible and the truths it teaches those who will seek them. I don’t expect a non-believer to agree with me on this subject… and that’s ok. I wish I could express the agony in our  journey that it took to get to this point. Agonizing because everything in the world and many times within the evangelical church as a whole are against (whether spoken or not) these truths. I am saddened to say that we have met resistance among Bible believing, conservative Christians. I say saddened because I believe that the church (therefore it’s people) have been duped by the enemy. Duped into believing the teaching of the world and the enemies minions. I warned you that I’m passionate… you may want to stop reading now… haha! So here goes…

I did what most brides-to-be have done. The month before we were to be married I visited the doctor and was prescribed “the pill”. I don’t remember the name of that pill but it’s irrelevant. It was “THE pill.” I had heard in school how birth control worked but I suppose it made no difference to me at the time. I didn’t really give it any thought since we weren’t ready for children, couldn’t afford them and besides, we wanted to enjoy one another for a while. We decided a little over a year after our marriage that it was time to have a baby. Our oldest son was born when we had just been married 2  years. I was overdue (not educated enough on inductions and such), induced and ended in a C-section due to failure to progress. Praise the Lord, we were both healthy and happy. I went back on the pill after he was born. Similar story with our first daughter… then back on the pill. I did deliver her VBAC. Then the pill. We decided at this point if I had to have another section that we would have no more children. I know many doctors will allow more sections than 2 (On OBGYN I respect greatly allowed his wife to have 4… but they only had 4 children), but based on my own convictions and those of my husband we decided 2 was it for us. I decided a more convenient birth control would be nice and decided on Depo provera. Let me just, say they made me nuts (no jokes needed here). Horrid bleeding and it put me on a wooden roller coaster of emotions. I decided NOT to continue that after about a year… I should apologize each day to my husband for that year… haha! After boy 3, I decided on an IUD. Another bad decision.

Here is where the fun begins. My precious church at that time (Florida for those of you who know us) was rich with crazo, homeschooling, conservative moms. You know the type who don’t “believe” in dating, who monitor everything that their kids watch/listen to… who are always on the look out to see if their daughter’s shirts are “raise and praise” worthy. Crazos. Several of these crazos became my dearest friends. I’m thankful to say, I joined the crazo club, haha! One of the key things the Lord taught us during this time was the fact that:

BIRTH CONTROL DOES NOT PREVENT CONCEPTION… IT PREVENTS PREGNANCY.

Let me step aside and say that in our journey I have not felt convicted that barrier methods of birth control are wrong. I don’t feel that methods such as rhythm method or natural family planning are wrong. The primary concern is when a method allows for fertilization and then prevents that life from continuing to live.

Here’s the issue (and where many conservatives will disagree… so let’s agree now to continue our friendship). How does birth control work? I will let you read it for yourself here off of PLANNED PARENTHOOD’S site. Which is, by the way, the leader in the abortion industry…you need to see it for yourself and realize who the writer is… it’s short.

Let’s flesh it out right here, right now. Birth control works on several levels:

1- You don’t release an egg… you don’t ovulate. Ok. Morally acceptable I suppose. No egg means no meeting with sperm… therefore no conception… no life. Ok. But not a guarantee continue to step 2.

2- Thicken cervical mucus. This blocks the sperm. Morally acceptable I suppose. No sperm means no meeting with the egg… therefore no conception… no life. Ok. Not a guarantee… continue to step 3.

We’re ok up until now. Think of these things as lines of defense. #1 should catch it, if not let’s look to #2… BUT if ALL else fails. We always have #3.

3- Here’s what we are missing. I’ll just quote it directly from planned parenthood:

“The hormones also thin the lining of the uterus. In theory, this could prevent pregnancy by keeping a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus”

So. this last (effective) method does not prevent the sperm from meeting with the egg… it just creates an inhospitable place for your newly joined sperm & egg to implant. The fertilized egg would then be shed from the body. Notice the careful wording, “this could prevent pregnancy.” What about conception? Does that matter? I know no better place than to look than God’s Word.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.
Jeremiah 1:5

Even before I was born, God had chosen me to be His.
Galatians 1:15

For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mothers womb… Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13, 16

Your hands shaped me and made me… Did You not clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews? You gave me life.
Job 10:8-12

This is what the Lord says—He who made you, who formed you in the womb
Isaiah 44:2

Did not He who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same One form us both within our mothers?
Job 31:15

Each  and every life is of great value to God… even from the beginning of time… EVEN when that life is still a little zygote. You can read here on the Merck website about the stages of development.

We can put this information together to make the following statement:

BIRTH CONTROL DOES NOT PREVENT CONCEPTION (the beginning of life),IT ONLY PREVENTS PREGNANCY (the point at which the zygote implants… sticks to… the uterus). What do we do with the fertilized egg before it implants. Is it a life at that point? Some conservative Christians will say no. I take issue. If you believe life begins at conception, then you should take issue as well.

When does life begin? I will let you read an excerpt off of the Association of Prolife Physicians website... they have great data from a medical perspective:

According to this elementary definition of life, life begins at fertilization, when a sperm unites with an oocyte.  From this moment, the being is highly organized, has the ability to acquire materials and energy, has the ability to respond to his or her environment, has the ability to adapt, and has the ability to reproduce (the cells divide, then divide again, etc., and barring pathology and pending reproductive maturity has the potential to reproduce other members of the species).  Non-living things do not do these things.  Even before the mother is aware that she is pregnant, a distinct, unique life has begun his or her existence inside her.

Another great perspective from The Westchester Institute:

Resolving the question of when human life begins is critical for advancing a reasoned public policy debate over abortion and human embryo research. This article considers the current scientific evidence in human embryology and addresses two central questions concerning the beginning of life: 1) in the course of sperm-egg interaction, when is a new cell formed that is distinct from either sperm or egg? and 2) is this new cell a new human organism—i.e., a new human being? Based on universally accepted scientific criteria, a new cell, the human zygote, comes into existence at the moment of sperm-egg fusion, an event that occurs in less than a second. Upon formation, the zygote immediately initiates a complex sequence of events that establish the molecular conditions required for continued embryonic development. The behavior of the zygote is radically unlike that of either sperm or egg separately and is characteristic of a human organism. Thus, the scientific evidence supports the conclusion that a zygote is a human organism and that the life of a new human being commences at a scientifically well defined “moment of conception.” This conclusion is objective, consistent with the factual evidence, and independent of any specific ethical, moral, political, or religious view of human life or of human embryos.

I also found this quote from the American Pregnancy Association curious:

“It is possible that you may not have been aware that any ethical questions existed concerning contraception.  The contraceptive methods that involve the changing of the lining of the uterus to prevent implantation from occurring create an ethical or moral consideration for some people.

Some people believe that life begins at conception whereas others believe it begins at implantation.  The ethical consideration develops for individuals who believe that life begins at conception.

When contraceptive methods fail to prevent ovulation or fertilization, the changing of the uterine lining is used to prevent the fertilized egg or “life” from implanting in the uterine wall.  It is this action that leaves people believing they have crossed an ethical boundary.”

You may be thinking, “This is REALLY extreme… legalistic even.” I’d probably agree. Let’s look at it from a more liberal perspective… Planned Parenthood’s perspective… NO ONE can accuse them of being too conservative or legalistic. I think most Christians would agree that we believe the “morning after” pill is unacceptable. I find it curious that the “how it works” description of the morning after pill looks familiar. I’ll just let you read it for yourself off  the planned parenthood website:

The hormone in the morning-after pill works by keeping a woman’s ovaries from releasing eggs — ovulation. Pregnancy cannot happen if there is no egg to join with sperm. The hormone in the morning-after pill also prevents pregnancy by thickening a woman’s cervical mucus. The mucus blocks sperm and keeps it from joining with an egg.

The hormone also thins the lining of the uterus. In theory, this could prevent pregnancy by keeping a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus.

You might have also heard that the morning-after pill causes an abortion. But that’s not true. The morning-after pill is not the abortion pill. Emergency contraception is birth control, not abortion.

Ok. Let’s run with what Planned Parenthood says… it’s not an “abortion.” So let’s look at the abortion pill itself. I’m certain we can agree an “abortion” pill is wrong. Let’s see what Planned Parenthood site says about the “how it works” of that pill.

The abortion pill works by blocking the hormone progesterone. Without progesterone, the lining of the uterus breaks down, and pregnancy cannot continue.

I must point out that the final line of defense for the morning after pill, the abortion pill, and the birth control pill are all similar. This should cause us pause.

Life begins at conception. The ethical consideration does apply to evangelical Christians who believe life begins at conception. I encourage you to consider other methods of birth control that do not allow conception to occur if need be.

There are other arguments… “But we can’t afford more children.” What CAN we afford? We can afford cars, dinners out… daycare… vacations… and so on. I urge you to trust the Lord in this area. I can’t see your checkbook nor could I make my checkbook make sense with our having 6 children. I would have NEVER thought we could have supported such a large family on an educator’s & part time minister’s income. Be wise, be sacrificial, be selfless, tithe, bless others and the Lord can show you how to make your dollar stretch.

Certainly there are health factors to consider. I know of more than one woman who after having their first, second, third child that they found out they could have no more for medical reasons. There is conservative Christian literature out there that tells you to basically ignore the mother’s health. I disagree. After our last daughter was born I was still in surgery when my doctor told me that I had a weak spot on my uterus. He told me that if I had gone into labor on my own… if the baby’s head had pressed down on that spot… “It could have been tragic for both of us.” The Lord used this moment to confirm our decision to have a tubal ligation since this was our 2nd C-section. I’m so thankful He allowed me that peace of mind. In my opinion the health of the mother MUST be considered when deciding how many children she can birth.

Besides, it’s Biblical. What does God’s word say?

Psalm 127:3-5 ESV
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. 

Psalm 127:3 ESV Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 

Psalm 139:13-16 ESV For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. 

John 16:21 ESV When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. 

Is it hard? Yep. Are my hands full? Absolutely (but it beats being empty). Do I feel like screaming and running like ‘ole Forrest? More often than I can mention. Am I patient? No, I’m one of the least patient people I know. It’s hard… but it is so worth it! One of my most precious friends, Teresa (mom of 5), says, “With each child I had I became less selfish.” I think about that all the time (and quote you, T… I’ll stick your royalty check in the mail) It’s really true. With each child I had to be more sacrificial of my time, desires and demands and it has made me a better person. We live in a world that does not encourage sacrificial giving… even to our families. We live in a world that encourages giving from our abundance (which is good)… but I believe the Bible encourages giving even when we have nothing to give.

Here are some resources I have enjoyed on the topic:

Check out the website www.onemoresoul.com. They have great information on this topic.

Another great resource is a book by Nancy Campbell called “Be Fruitful and Multiply.” While I do not agree with everything she says, the data proves to be great food for thought.

I also really love Voddie Baucham’s sermon entitled, “Biblical Manhood.” This is another perspective on the topic of having children and the blessing they are from God. A promised blessing to the listener!

I’m curious (and angry- truth be told). Why has the evangelical church been silent? If I may be so bold, I believe it is because we have been lead like a lamb to slaughter… we’ve been that frog on the hot pot that has had his gizzard cooked because he is unaware of his surroundings. We’ve been lulled to sleep by the silence of the church. We speak of giving our entire life to Christ… we even point out our finances, our marriages… the decision of what vehicle we purchase… how to relate to difficult people… what church to attend… we say Christ should be in control of every aspect of our lives… except our uterus. Too many feel that WE control that… WE decide when we are “ready” for children… when WE can “afford” children… how many children WE feel like WE can manage (and keep our designer shoes)… Please hear the heart of my message. I do not stand in condemnation because I have used several types of birth control as mentioned above. I put off having children because we couldn’t afford them. I have had similar fears that you probably have. I don’t think we are all called to have huge families. There are many variables to consider and I’m not sure there is a cut and dry answer for all those intricacies. I do want us to think. Let’s not simply accept the way of the world, especially within the walls of the church. Search the Word. Ask yourself, better yet, ask the Lord, “When does life begin?” There is a definite answer here… it’s not one answer for me and another for you.

I know this is a touchy subject. A subject close to my heart… one I feel passionate about… one I feel we have long kept silent on. At the end of the thinking, praying and searching if I’m going to err… I’m going to err on the side of life.

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63 thoughts on “Why We Have So Many Kids (Our Birth Control Journey)

  1. I am so proud of you my friend…Very well written and non-judgemental, yet passionate articulator–you are! I am proud to be counted amoung the crazo-homeschooling conservative moms from FL—You are so dear and near to my heart! So Glad GOD has allowed our paths to meet! Keep the faith and continue speaking truth!

  2. I’m just as passionate, and God has only given us one child. You are an encouragement to me, friend, as are all the crazo-homeschooling FL moms! (Still miss y’all!) May God give us an ever clearer vision of His desire for what Motherhood is to be, and willing hearts to obey!

  3. Thank you for your willingness to speak on this subject. I too got on birth control right after we were married not having any knowledge of the pill just knowing it is what we do right? Grateful I learned soon after our first miscarriage about the pill and decided that it was not for us. We are prolife!
    I agree that we should ask God’s direction and His will for our lives. Spending time in prayer over it is vital. Giving God all we are and surrending to that…even our uterus! I do have question though…when do you say it is time to stop? 40’s? When it because too much of a risk? I have always wondered about this and wanted to see what people have to say. Because after I think about these questions then I wonder well, if you pray about it and believe that two kids is God’s will and you stop trying to have kids is that not being a godly woman even if you are in your early 20’s? I think it comes down to God’s family plan for each of us. It is up to Him. So if anyone has answers to my questions that would help me alot! We are thinking and praying about it and our future. Godly counsel is appreciated!

    • Hey Tracy! Great to hear from you!

      When to stop… I have no clear cut answer. I think just like all issues, we bathe that in prayer. I think the primary factor to consider is heath. I was at a point it was too risky for us to have anymore children. As far as age plays into it… women had children much earlier in life than we do now. Too often (my opinion) women are just beginning in their 30’s and even 40’s… so it does seem “early” to stop if you’re in your 20’s. It is a personal journey with the Lord. For us, we could never feel at peace about ending our child-bearing years in our 20’s (obviously :). That is not to say it’s too early for you. I would encourage anyone who is considering this in their 20’s an early 30’s to REALLY dig in and ask yourself why you have come to this conclusion. Is it based on the world’s “suggestion” for your life… or is it God’s desire. I know of someone dear to my heart right now who had 2 children early on and had a tubal. Her youngest is now 10 I believe. She is in the process of trying to have a reversal because she feels she made that decision in haste. It’s really hard to go back. Really hard. Really expensive. Really painful. Often really sad.

      Know I’m not seeking to be judgmental… I just think the world has been so pervasive in this area of our lives… even in the lives of those who are conservative Christians. It is my desire to ask the hard questions and get us all thinking about the “why” of this and similar topics. There is no prescription. We just have to read the word, accept it’s truth and ask the Lord to guide us.

      Pray, ask the Lord to show you. He will! He promises that if we seek we will find! It is a hard decision. I believe you and your hubby will make a Godly decision! You will! Love you!!!

      • Thanks! Well, we are in our mid 30’s now but we want more so we will see. Thanks so much for your blog! Love it! We figured after we get to old to have any more then we will look at adopting but God knows!!!

  4. Michelle, you and I agree on so many issues and I wonder why more people in the church do not.

    I also think adoption is wonderful and that more people who desire more children should pray about it. I know I pray about adoption a lot.

    • Thanks for reading, Liesl!

      adoption… a worthy cause and a Biblical one at that! I agree whole-heartedlly. I think there is a surge in the church regarding adoption and I’m thrilled.

      Thank you for your thoughts…. it’s always great to hear from a great mom!

  5. Thank you so much for being so transparent Michelle! My eyes have only been opened to all of this within the past year. After I had Macie I was not planning on going back on BC. But after she was born, I thought I had another cyst on my only remaining ovary and of course the doc’s suggestion was for me to go on BC to regulate everything. He called in the prescription but I never picked it up and the Lord has honored my faithfulness. I remember having this discussion once at the Gant’s house and the St. Pierre’s were there speaking the same truth and I refused to listen….definitely deceived by the devil. When my eyes were finally opened to the real truth I was pretty much horrified. How many babies have I aborted from being on BC in the past? I repented, walked away and haven’t regretted it since. Love your family!

    • Thank YOU Jenn for being transparent! I too felt that same thing…. how many have I aborted?…. Once I was over the initial shock, I realized that the Lord allowed my eyes to be opened. I repented and walk in grace. We all walk in the mercy and love of our GREAT God. I’m so thankful!

      You know I adore you and yours too! Give the girls a kiss! We need to play together soon!

  6. I totally agree!

    I’m so glad that you are willing to share your journey with others and that God has given you such a heart for the value of life! You have been a real encouragement to me.

    I read Open Embrace (one of Pam’s books) during nap time and it had some eye-opening information about the slippery slope from “contraception” to outright, willful abortion that I think you would be interested in. You are right to question the church’s absence on this topic. I’m hoping and praying more people–women, especially, amongst one another–step up and share our knowledge!

  7. Thanks Michelle for the one statement about how we can give control to God tons of stuff but not our uterus! He knows us better than anyone!!! It is encouraging to me and God is really speaking to me there. Trust Him!

  8. Let me as a Christian woman never point my finger, look down my nose, stand in judgement over the horrific sin of some poor lost soul who has offered her unborn babe for slaughter. For I, in my ignorance, in my unwillingness to educate myself about my body and my babies, in my apathy to go along with the rest of America, to do what I’ve been told, I have slaughtered an untold number of little souls with whom the Lord would have blessed us. We would have rejoiced over the little lives who would have been the abundance of our being. God forgive us, for we know not what we do.

    Where is the church, indeed! Where are the strong, liberated, educated, forward-thinking females? They’re are sitting in the pews, I among them, half-drunk with the poison of the evil one. Duped once again into thinking that there is a better way than God’s way. Believing that what His Word says must surely have been meant for different people at a different point in time, in some different, dark corner of the world. Oh, sister Eve, we have not progressed as much as we think. We are still falling for the tricks of the serpent. We are still trying to “become God” instead of obeying Him.

    • So well said, El. So well said! I hope my post didn’t come across as judgmental… that was not my intention. I am angry that there was no woman to give me this advice/information. I don’t want to repeat that history. No, we have not learned very much since our Sister Eve… well said!

      • No, Michelle, I did not think your post was judgmental. I thought it was very thought-provoking. I felt convicted, and that was not your doing. You cannot convict no matter how articulate you are, only the Holy Spirit can do that.

        I only wonder how many times I have shaken my head in disbelief at the sin of others when all the while if I could see the truth, absolute and bare, I would then realize I was participating in that very sin!

        The depth of sin is unimaginable! And, I feel it keenly that in our flesh we are disposed to it so utterly and completely that if we lived 100 lifetimes we could never reach the bottom of the abyss of our own sin. Can it be true that there are sins that we would commit over and over again and not be aware of it? To me, just this post alone proves that there are.

        The world would have us believe that using the pill is responsible, careful, safe, and even our duty. But look how far it has taken us from God’s plan. And, we didn’t even realize it.

        I am saddened. I cry out for grace and forgiveness. For myself and for my sisters. For women. Beautiful, gullible, hurting women. Not just for this one sin – the taking of the pill, but for all the lies we believe. All the sin we commit. All the while never understanding or believing that the God who made us and loves us with an unfailing love is completely right in what He commands us to do, no matter what that is.

        Do I really trust Him? Only my actions will tell.

  9. You are such a blessing and I am so thankful I have gotten to know you! Thank you for being “that person” for me that allows your experience and God given wisdom to be used to guide and encourage. I have struggled with trying to seek God’s plan for our lives for a long time now… because I want these important decisions to be pleasing to Him. I have had lots of TERRIBLE input from wonderful Godly women…and up until recently had few people who didn’t think my thoughts on having children were crazy. Our situations have been similar and I now have been blessed with such a peace and understanding about how God’s plan for my family looks…and I am so thankful for the children I have been abundantly blessed with! Also, thank you for speaking up and taking a stand to inform which could save many innocent little miracles! Let us all be bold for our God!

    • You’re a precious lady, Brittany… just precious. I was watching you interact with your girls yesterday… you’re a great mom! So impressive to on-lookers and honoring to the Lord. I too have had some less than great advice from well-intended, Christian people. People who have been blinded to that span of life between fertilization and implantation… I’ve been told I was legalistic… that God gave us medicine… life doesn’t begin until implantation… ugh. I feel at peace with God on this topic. What a great place to be… peace!

      THank you for your encouraging words. Keep the faith, my friend and sister! Love you all!

  10. My thought is I’m glad a Christian family as yours has 6 kids…we need Christian warriors for the next generation. Unfortunately, our birth rate average is so far below that of Muslims, etc.

    • You are so right about our birth rates. That is another issue that I ran out of time to go into. The enemy is so deceitful… if we keep it up like we are now, we’ll run out of Christian men/women to share the Gospel!
      Thanks for your encouraging words…

  11. I had similar issues with “the pill” as you had on depo. After 3 c-sections though, by OBGYN said it wasnt medically advisable for me to have more children, so we had to take permanent measures that do prevent conception. Now that my “baby” is 2 1/2’i wish we could have more, but Evan and I are praying about the possibility of adoption in a couple years. Good post! I think more “older” (in quotes cause you’re not really old) need to speak truth to the younger women in the church (Titus 2!). It always makes me so sad to hear a newly married couple putting their wants and careers before God’s command to be fruitful. They have NO idea of the joy they are missing (struggles also, yes, but WAY more joys and blessings).

  12. Very well written, friend! This is something that I have struggled with. As currently I have a Mirena (that I HATE…it makes me a little more than nuts)…as soon as funds are available, it will be removed. We’ve struggled as to what to do after that. I do not want to use and BC, but because of family history am at 100% peace with not having any more…I also totally feel called to adopt in the future. Of course, God could change that tomorrow.
    Coming from a large family (as related to most average families) that struggled financially, I never want my children to feel how I felt as a child. My parents worked so much that they were the uninvolved parent…making us the unreliable children. My parents also worked so hard to support our family that they worked opposite schedules which ultimately led to the ending of their marriage after 18 years b/c they were basically strangers.
    Of course, the 1st lesson God taught us after moving here is that He controls our finances. So thankful for that. So, I know something my parents didn’t, God will provide. But can you see where my mental struggle lies? I cherish my beautiful little family, I totally feel called to be a stay-at-home mom, to the point that I feel convicted if I’m in class too much. 😉 I don’t however, want my wonderful to feel any more pressure than he already does.
    (Sorry for the book) I guess, just pray with me. I totally want to follow God in every aspect of life. He is slowly healing the mental scars from my childhood (another story). Slowly tearing the spirit of depression from my back (hallelujah!) He’s provided me with wonderful friends like you to encourage!! Praises!!

    • Deanna,
      I just wanted to let you know that I had my Mirena IUD removed as part of my regular yearly exam which was paid for in full by Take Charge (the Louisiana version of Family Planning Medicaid). Don’t know if that’s something you would be interested in but I wanted to make sure you knew it was a possible option.

      BTW: I completely relate to your comment, “I totally want to follow God in every aspect of life.” That is exactly what I’ve been feeling lately…so great to hear it from another person. Praying for you!

    • Bless your heart. I can see why you are torn. Be encouraged though. You have already made a huge dent in the discord by putting God first, then your marriage, kids and finances somewhere down the line. It is SO hard though. I still struggle mentally with worry and such. I am reminded that really nothing is mine. We don’t really provide anything for ourselves… it’s all our Heavenly Father. I don’t understand the how or why or the timing… but I do know that He has always been faithful and more than generous to those seeking to honor Him. It looks different for different people.

      I encourage you to look into Natural Family Planning… many people have great success with this method!

      Thanks for being so transparent! We have to stick together and keep the faith!

  13. Michelle, I am so impressed by you. Shows how things change over these years. I have 3 kids and 2 in heaven sitting in the loving arms of our Saviour. I would love to have at least 1 more and God is dealing with me on this issue. I ask for your prayers (as I will pray for you) to make it through these teenage years with my son. Consider blogging about your discipline methods (just curious to know). I am praying hard for my son and on ways to teach him to grow in the Lord. He has not yet accepted Christ as his savior so I continue to pray.
    Again I just want to say keep up the job you are doing it is worth it.

    • Thanks friend for your kind words! I am thankful the Lord never gives up or gives in! I will most definitely pray for you and for your son! Be encouraged!! I’ll write a blog soon! Love ya!

  14. Michelle,
    I’m so proud of you for speaking out and so eloquently! Get on that soapbox and keep up the good work “thou good and faithful servant”! I love you friend!

  15. Michelle, when we were talking about this a few weeks ago, “my girl” was wide eyed and listening. We have had such great conversations since then and she understands the lie that we were fed. I wish that we could have had more children, but my body wouldn’t allow it as you know. Yet, I am so humbled when I think of the possible “aborted” (I said the word) children that may have been ours before my complications. I had no idea at the time but as I look back I can only ask forgiveness and hope that women like you will continue to speak truth. Oh that we should teach our daughters ans sons the morbid and horrifying significance of what seems to be a simple solution.

    Satan knows that Christian homes produce Christian children, so keep the numbers small and maybe the Army of God will be smaller. Praise God that He is in control and loves us inspite of our foolish choices.

    Because of the enemy’s lie a generation was destroyed because of the threat of a leader of God’s people.. Moses. Another generation was destroyed in effort to prevent our Savior the Lord Jesus Christ. Does it make you wonder why so many are being destroyed now? Is he trying to prevent or prolong his eternal judgement?

    I love you, gal.

  16. Michelle,

    Thank you so much for speaking the truth in love. I am right there with you and it pains me when I am talking with someone who asks us the same question about how we can “afford” them all. Or those who ask me if I’m “done yet” when I have another child. When I explain to them that children are a blessing from God, they never get it, they always say that they could never do it.
    I am so thrilled when I hear of others like you who feel the same way I do and are willing to share it with the world and do it with the love of Christ shinning through.

    • Hi Rachel! Thank you for your kind words. I am so thankful the post didn’t come across in a judgmental fashion to you.

      I just love all those questions… “do you know what causes that…”… “your hands are full!!!”… and my favorite, “are you done yet?”…. I now say, “Biologically, yes… we’re done”… people usually just stand there.

      Thanks for your encouragement! You blessed me today!

  17. So thankful for you boldly sharing this! I am very grateful for a dear friend that shared a great book and this info with me a couple months before I married. We have completely trusted that God opens and closes the womb in His timing and have one beautiful 3 yr old (Nehemiah) and a sweet baby in heaven that we didnt get to meet. We also have 4 more “sons” that we care for in our home at the LA Baptist Children’s Home. God knows when and what we can handle and has always provided for our every need. I am standing with all my sisters in Christ and boldly sharing this truth as well!

    • Hello, my sister in Christ! Thankyou for your encouraging words! You are blessed to have heard the truth early on! I wasn’t as fortunate, but the Lord is sovereign! I’m so blessed!
      I would be curious to know the name of the book you read… if possible! I’d love to take a look at it!

      I pray the Lord blesses your family and your “sons” in the Lord at the Children’s home! Which Children’s home are you at in LA? I would love to bring my kids/family or our homeschool group to do some ministry at one of our LA Children’s home!

      Praise the Lord for your boldness and Keep the Faith, sister!!!
      Love in Christ, michelle

  18. I thank you for your stand. I have always been taught that the pill is wrong. I thank fully have never gone that route. I do have one daughter. we have been trying for 4 years now to have another. My husband had a tragic accident 4 years ago, and so though we are praying and trying, I do get discouraged at times, especially when so many of my friends, and family members are expecting. will you pray for me, my daughter prays every night for her baby brother!
    thanks
    Ps. 37:3-7a

    • Hello Heather! Thanks for your input!

      I am so sorry about your situation… I WILL pray for you! I know that must be difficult. Remember that the Lord is not caught off guard by your situation and that He knows your pain. What a precious prayer that must be from your sweet daughter!

      Keep us posted!

  19. Michelle, Thank You for taking a stand for LIfe by sharing what the Lord has laid on your heart. I pray that through your postings He will do a mighty work in many hearts and lives.
    I too am thankful for those crazo homeschooling Moms in fl and Thankfully He allowed me one year of homeschooling our youngest son and I wouldn’t trade the year He gave us for anything!
    I am reminded of the saying for the walk for life at the Women’s Pregnancy Center is Tallahassee “A Persons A Person No Matter How Small”
    To God be the glory Great Things He has done!

  20. Michelle I never realized about “The Pill” and it’s purpose until a few months ago. I am thankful that I was not able to take it for very long and when I read about what it does to the fertilized egg I was saddened that I ever took it. Thank you for posting this information because I am willing to bet that there are many women out there who have no idea either. God is working in and through you to take a stand for Christ and for Life … keep sharing what the Lord lays on your heart because you are making a difference for HIM. Keep speaking for those who cannot speak for themselves.

  21. I do not disagree with anything you said, but I do have a question? Where does calling for christians to take care of orpahans fit into this? It seems like women that don’t “believe” in using birth control also don’t bring orphans into their families because their hands are full caring for their biological children. Like I said, I don’t disagree…I’m just curious as to why that is?

    • Hey Christiana! Great question. First of all.. I’m ALL for adoption. I believe it is Biblical and something we’ve “overlooked” as believers for a long time. I do see a surge in the church to adopt and I’m thrilled.

      My issue is this- The issue of causing life to cease is an issue. I have not studied it, (and I’d love to hear from others) but why would we need to trade one for the other? Who says we can’t have children AND adopt children? I understand the finances of it all are a concern to many. Understand, we are not wealthy… so I’m not seeing finances from that perspective. It is hard. We have 6 children so I see your point. I may be stepping into an area I wish I hadn’t 🙂 but there ARE couples who can’t have children for whatever reason (like my friend Cathy who posted on this same blog… but she does have 1 biological child)… that is a place many adoptions should be taking place. We have friends who have 4 biological children and an adopted child… I’m friends with a lady who is a twin. She and her sister were adopted to a family with 1 biological child and 1 other adopted child. I have friends who have one biological son, she had to had a hysterectomy and afterward they adopted a son. My cousin has 3 biological children and adopted to older children. So it IS happening…

      I think the bigger issue is the heart, Christina… that people don’t need to “fear” the unknown of adoption, that they make financial sacrifices to make an adoption possible and that they see the truth of God’s word. Honestly, I wonder if we aren’t selfish. Meaning we would rather manipulate our reproductive organs, spend thousands of dollars… often with no result… when we could adopt one of God’s precious children. We need to do it more! It’s a heart issue I think…

      Thanks for your post! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

      • I kind of view the adoption finances like you view the pregnancy thing…you just have to trust the Lord. God funds what he favors. I have read that several places when it comes to adoption. I wish there were MANY more families that were adopting and having their own…what an example that is to their children of Christ’s love for us through our own adoption. I believe God calls us as Christians to take care of orphans and I think way too many times we think writing a check to an organization like compassion or world vision we check that off our list. I am thankful that the church is starting to support adoption more. Definitely a heart issue, but isn’t everything?

        I agree that the issue with BC is causing life to cease. But i think I could argue that when you are choosing to leave a child in an orphanage instead of bringing them into your home and TRUSTING (which is what your whole deal is about in a nut shell) that God would provide for you and your family, then you are in essence, giving them a type of life that is non-exsistant.

        There are over 147 million orphans in the world…and God tells us to take care of them. As you are saying you have a conviction to not use BC, i have a conviction to do whatever I can so people realize those PRECIOUS children need homes. They are no less than your biological children. Every verse you included up there applies to them too.

        My thoughts are all over the place! I should have gotten them together more before I replied! 🙂

      • Not at all, Christina… you were quite clear. I agree with everything you said. Totally. I too am pleased there is a push in the Church for adoption.

        The finances I was speaking of is really (because I wonder this for myself if I’m honest:) ) the finances of the adoption itself… especially an overseas adoption… I KNOW it would have to be God… we could never afford something like that :)…. With a pregnancy, most of your costs are along the way… a little here, a little there. It seems (again I’m not well studied on this topic) you have to have large chunks of money… that is more difficult. Not that I’m saying we shouldn’t trust God. I understand that in theory… If you have info you could share on finances as related to adoption, PLEASE share! I’d love to hear it!

        I really have a passion for BC but for children in general… those abused children, those bouncing about in foster systems… and those precious children who need a home… terribly. This post was just about BC… that’s all. Plus, I just have more life experience with that… so I just know more. I recently learned that my church is hosting a meeting to teach churches about teaching people about adoption (did I say that right?… maybe it was clear). I can’t wait to see what the Lord does in that area.

        Thank you for your thoughts! They are welcomed ANY time 🙂

  22. I wanted to thank you for taking a stand on this issue. I believe so many of our generation have been duped by the enemy into believing it is our “choice”. I too used the pill and other methods over many years believing the lie. It wasn’t until I had been married 4 years that I realized what a mistake I had made. You see we tried to get pregnant and couldn’t. Countless tests and treatments were unconclusive and unsuccessful. Then we were told having a baby “just wasn’t in the cards for us”. In shock and completely heartbroken I went home and wept before the Lord. I begged Him for just one child and 3 months later to my doctors amazement I was pregnant. No medicine, no treatment only God. From that point on I knew I would never take my ability to have children into my own hands. God opens and closes the womb become my “battle cry” from then on. Little did I know I would be faced with the reality of that again and my belief in my battle cry would be tested.

    God blessed us with a healthy little girl on Nov. 21, 2000. We loved being parents and wanted a house full. So 2 years later when I hadn’t concieved again, we began the fertility journey again. This time I cried out to the Lord first! I don’t know why but God answered us with a NO. Again, heartbroken and confused we began to move on and let go of the house full dream. It was then that God began placing seeds into both of our hearts, seeds of fostering and adoption.

    Two years after releasing the “dream” to God we became foster parents to a pair of amazing little girls. At one time we had our own daughter and 4 other little girls. I often got the “your hands are full” comment and my answer was always “Yes, and how blessed am I to have them full of these precious girls”. That always stopped people in their tracks. God is fufilling our “dream” in His way and I couldn’t be more amazed.

    Sorry for the “book” but I will always believe that my years on the pill and other methods contributed to the medical diagnosis of unexplained infertitlity. I know God has taken it and used it for His glory but it breaks my heart that countless other women may be doing the same thing to their body and have no idea.

    So again thank you for this post and for your blog. I follow faithfully and pray for you as you continue to stand up for the Lord and for families doing it God’s way.

    God Bless you and your family.

    • Thanks friend for your encouraging words and for sharing your precious journey. I too, can’t help but think years on the pill is robbing people of the joys of life. YOu need to read “Orphanology” by Tony Merida… (Greg told me NOT to buy it because I’d have a car full before he could get home :)…. Love you. Thanks again for sharing. I’m so thankful the Lord answered your prayers not once but 3 times 🙂

      I’d love to hear how you were able to manage adoption from a financial perspective… if that isn’t too personal.

  23. Michelle, what an excellent, honest and thought-provoking summary! As Christians we must be sure that all of our decisions and “lifestyle choices,” but especially those involving procreation and child-rearing are fully in line with our Lord’s directives to us in Scripture. We cannot let our culture define such an important decision.

  24. Oh Michelle, how I do miss you! I remember the day you sat down next to me at Helen First Baptist and asked me to pray for your decision to stop birth control. I also distinctly remember the facial expression you dawned 4 weeks later as you once again sat next to me to ask for prayer. You didn’t even have to tell me… I SO knew you were pregnant! I am so thankful that I have had women like you in my life to guide me to the Word and teach me about my body. Jason and I started our marriage with FAM and got pregnant the FIRST time we tried! I so wish women knew what stresses and heartache they could save if they knew their bodies instead of changing their bodies with man made hormones, not to mention everything else that goes along with altering birthcontrols. Thank you SO much for posting this! Keep spreading this message!! I love you and miss you, dear friend.

    • Ok, Jordan… that so made me smile a teary smile… Thank you for being a part of my journey! I so miss you! I’m so happy for you and can’t wait to see that sweet baby! I think it’s only fair to let me babysit since you got to sit my kids. There was a show on the other day talking about a babysitter and Girl1 says something about “Jordan was the best babysitter’… then Boy1 says, “i was just thinking the SAME thing! 🙂

      love you!

  25. When I worked at River Oaks Hospital in Jackson, MS, we taught the Billings Method of Natural Family Planning which is simple and recognized as 98.5% effective (that’s about the same as or better than the Pill) by the World Health Organization. http://www.billings-centre.ab.ca/

  26. Michelle, sorry I am just now responding to your post. Thanks for inviting me to check it out! I completely agree with you on this!

    After our first was born, God laid a burden on our hearts to help end abortion. It seemed to be out of nowhere, and He worked on us individually in this regard. As we dug deeper, and listened to pastors we respect and admire as to how we can help this cause in our day and age, we came across writings by Randy Alcorn and other websites discussing the abortifacient potential of chemical/hormonal birth control methods. We were heartbroken that in our ignorance we had used birth control when we were first married. And, I had been seeing an OBGYN at a BAPTIST hospital who recommended the pill to me!! Thankfully, we had already decided not to go back on the pill after our first was born b/c of PPDepression issues I was having. I didn’t want anything else messing with my hormones or emotions! Obviously, what we learned from our research solidified that decision. I even talked with another OBGYN that I was seeing after this time about that decision, explaining to him I did not want to take something that prevented implantation. He emphatically denied that the pill even acted in this way!

    It seems that even though the facts are there, it is very controversial even as to whether or not the pill actually does have an abortifacient quality, much less whether or not using such a product is moral or God-honoring. I have wondered if such doctors do not want to be culpable, and so seek to protect their “conscience” by living in denial. Who knows? It is a shame that this information is not being disseminated, and many people, including godly men and women, are being misinformed or uninformed. And, by and large, protestant churches remain silent.

    Although I work at a Catholic-run crisis pregnancy center, I still cannot agree with them that even barrier methods are wrong for all people in all situations. I, like you, have not been convicted of this at this point. I have sought wisdom from godly leaders on this issue who have agreed with me. I am certain, however, there are those who disagree, as well. But, I think, unlike the Catholic church, that the morality of using barrier methods is a matter of personal prayer and conviction. I could go into the Catholic argument against barrier methods, but for the sake of time and space, I’ll hold off on that for now. Suffice it to say, they believe only natural family planning is acceptable. And, they do make good arguments.

    I appreciate you and Traci initiating these conversations! Thank you for sharing! I look forward to more discussion!

    • Hey Melissa! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I’d actually love to hear the catholic argument against barrier methods- not that I would agree… just out of curiosity.

      I’m with you… why won’t doctors admit what is going on? I wonder if they get some sort of commission off of pills they prescribe. I had a Christian doctor in Georgia who we pinned down and he said that yes, the pill could in theory prevent a pregnancy. He was the first. That was the “nail in the coffin” for us. I’m so thankful for this doctor!

      Thank you for your input! Thankyou for your stand on LIFE!

  27. Thank you so much for this. You put it into words so well 🙂 My husband and I used the pill for about 6 months before we found out the truth. We now have 3 sweet girls and would love a dozen more! He is a minister and he is asked about the pill all the time in premarital classes. Have you ever read “Does the Birth Control Pill cause Abortions?” by Randy Alcorn. Very good to pass on to those questioning what the pill actually does.

    • I have read portions of the Alcorn article… you are right… it is GREAT! Thanks for the reminder!

      Keep on spreading the truth! MANY need to hear it!

      Thanks for your input… come back anytime and share your thoughts, Jaime!

  28. Great article! My husband and I have been married for almost two years and BOTH of us are the oldest of 7 [yes, half home-schooled families]… while I do agree with the article

    I was diagnosed with PCOS a month before our wedding and was told I probably couldn’t have children. My hormones were all out of wack and I had large amounts of testosterone in my body. After doing A LOT of research and prayer, I decided to go on the Nuvaring which has the lowest dosage of hormones & minimal side effects. I hadn’t had a period in about a year and all of a sudden, on BC I was having them…the hormones were teaching my body to balance out properly & hopefully one day I can have a few kids though hubby and I don’t want more than three teehee.

    The one thing that really bugs me about this whole subject and the church/Christians is the inconsistency of the beliefs. For example, if indeed we say that no contraceptives are morally acceptable on the basis of “we need to trust God with our future & His will” then it would follow that ALL methods of birth control [family planning/barrier etc] are also wrong.

    On the flip side, if we are really trusting God’s will…would we use hormones, herbs, and family planning to also TRY to have children. I know so many moms and women that are strongly against BC of any kind BUT used all sorts of “extra” methods to try to conceive. I understand that there is the issue of life, but really, trusting God goes both ways. Just because it is trying to BRING life into the world doesn’t make it any less meddling in the process.

    Anyhow, great article, but those are just my thoughts…I have been raised in the Church discussing this topic and while I have NO moral issue with certain forms of birth control as well as family planning [either to have children or prevent], I am really bothered by this inconsistency I mentioned above. Would love your thoughts :).

    Sorry it was so long! hehe 🙂

    • Hi Emily! Thanks for your input!

      There is no question, PCOS is an extremely difficult issue to struggle with. I have a couple friends with this same diagnosis and we’ve discussed these topics together before. While I’m not as well versed as you are on the topic… I know enough to realize many in your situation are in a quandary. I don’t have any right to stand in judgement of you or of anyone for that matter.

      I think you are SO right to point out our inconsistencies! There are so many across the board! The ones you pointed out are valid for sure! I know I have not lived the life of infertility. I know that even though I have friends/family who have/are… I have NO idea of the journey they are walking in. It is incredibly difficult no doubt. That being said, I do take issue with any method of “making” life that would create a life and leave it in a test tube somewhere. I can definitely draw a line there. At this time, and the Lord may change my mind, I don’t ethically have an issue with a married couple trying to increase their chances of pregnancy by taking some herbs or some OTC meds… watching ovulation cycles and such. There is a line somewhere and I’m not exactly sure where it is that we are seeking to manipulate our bodies and God’s will. A point that we are causing stress to our marriages, our finances and such. It’s hard, Emily. It’s hard to as a mom of 6 to make those statements. Again, it’s not my intention to be judgmental but to seek the truth.

      At this time, again the Lord may change my mind, I don’t have an issue with natural family planning or such. The line I’m sure of is anything that would end a life that has been conceived… anything that would not allow life to continue.

      I agree that we as believers need to know what we believe on the topic. If I have been inconsistent it is out of human fault. I am so frail in this human body. I can be sure of this however, that God is the one to give and to take all lives. I’m thankful you have studied it and have been prayerful. That is my deepest wish that many would seek out the truth. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences! Your feedback is welcome! Thanks!!! 🙂

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